Equilateral Boredom
by Simply.Mediocre
Summary: Human Bill gets really bored and low key terrorizes the Shack. Don't worry; there's 1,172 words of smut in here.


Dipper walked into the living room of the Mystery Shack to find Bill sitting on the sofa, eyebrows creased in concentration. The brunet walked up behind the demon and leaned over the back of the couch to lay his stomach on the top of the blonde's head.

"What 'cha doing?" he asked, draping his lanky arms around the demon.

Bill blinked,

"Trying not to think about penguins… damn it!"

Dipper got off the frustrated man and sat down beside him.

"Why?"

"I'm bored, Pine Tree!"

"So you're trying not to think about penguins…"

Bill nodded.

"Yeah! What do you do when you're bored?"

Dipper ignored the question, knowing the demon's hatred for reading.

"Okay… well, I'm off work in a couple of hours, we can do something then, if you want."

Bill slouched back into the sofa, crossing his arms and pouting.

"That's too long."

"Bill, I've already skipped work three times this week for you, I need to work today. We can go to the mall when I'm done if you'd like."

Bill perked up a tiny bit.

"Okay…" he said, still pouting.

Dipper gave him a small smile and a pressed a quick kiss on the demon's lips. He then stood.

"Just keep yourself occupied until then, okay? Love you, see you in a bit."

"Love you too…" the blonde grumbled. He sat there for a few moments before an idea struck him. He began trying to swallow his own tongue.

A few minutes later Bill ran out of the living room to the souvenir shop where Dipper sat on the tall stool behind the cash-register helping out an old lady check out. Bill ran up to the counter, shoving the elderly woman out of his way. For some reason unbeknownst to Bill, this action seemed to piss Dipper off. The brunet jumped up and helped the woman up.

"Bill! What the hell!?" the boy yelled, turning to give the demon a poisonous glare.

"I'm so sorry ma'am, here, you're purchase is on me, have a good day." He said, guiding the lady out the door and to her car. Upon returning inside the gift shop, he crossed his arms and glared at Bill.

"Seriously! What the fuck was that!? I know you're bored but you can't go around shoving old people to the ground just for kicks!"

The blonde opened his mouth, showing Dipper his problem. The brunet gasped.

"Bill! What did you do? Where's your tongue? Use your magic and fix it!"

The demon concentrated and his tongue reappeared inside his mouth.

"Why did you swallow your own tongue?"

Bill shrugged.

"I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Dipper began rubbing his temples.

"Bill, just why don't you go watch TV or something, okay? I'll be done soon enough."

Bill walked back into the living room and plopped back down on the couch. He found the remote and switched on the television. Soos must have left it on the Spanish channel. He tried to turn on the subtitles but apparently the show wasn't close captioned, the soap opera looked interesting so he decided to make up his own script.

"Sheila, I love you, but I have to defuse this bomb right now."

"No Rodriguez! You'll die!"

"I must, Sheila, for the good of the universe!"

"But, Tomas, you're a criminal, why do you care about the good of the universe?"

"That pussy."

"Oh. Well then, I guess you should die after all."

Bill laughed and continued even though it was on commercial break.

"Hey, homeslice, check out my war helmet."

"Dude-bro, that's coolest of beanz! Where'd you get it?"

"Well I went online and signed up for The General; it's a website that stalks veterans so when they kick the bucket we can take their stuff!"

"Wow! That's amazing! I'm going to go sign up for The General right now!"

At this point, Bill was cackling madly but he pushed through,

"I have a nudity problem and I need a horny sow!"

"Call Gi-Gi wet birth! Ate seventy-seven orphans!"

"Ate seventy-seven orphans! Ate seventy-seven orphans!"

"I have a severed abdomen and I need hospitalization!"

"Call Gi-Gi wet birth! Before your blood runs out!"

"Before your blood runs out! Before your blood runs out!"

"She's your honey; use her when you need her!"

At that, Dipper came in, snatched the remote from Bill, who was too busy laughing to stop him, and changed the channel.

"Bill, you're being really immature for a five million year old demon, plus, you're freaking out the tourists. Stop it." He told the demon before leaving once more.

"YOU'RE NO FUN ANYMORE, PINE TREE!" he yelled at the brunet who ignored him and went back to work.

Some show called Criminal Minds was on and it looked rather promising so he watched for a few moments before repeating everything Hodgner said with an Italian accent, everything Garcia said in a Batman voice, everything Penelope said with a Darth Vader voice (Dipper had made him watch every single Star Wars movie), everything Spencer said with a Dalek voice, and everything Morgan said with a Jamaican accent. After one episode he quickly got bored again so he stood and grabbed a small water bottle. Pouring a little into his hand, he stuck up behind the busy brunet. He made a loud sneezing noise and threw the water on the back of the teen's neck. Dipper squealed and turned around slowly.

"Bill?"

"Yes my dear Pine Tree?" the demon asked innocently.

"Did you just… sneeze, on the …back of my… neck?"

"Yes?"

Dipper's eyes grew impossibly wide and he ran to the bathroom.

"Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross…"

Bill chuckled to himself, oh how he loved to tease his boyfriend.

A blond little boy, probably about eight or nine if Bill were to guess, walked into the Shack. Bill's mischievous grin dominated his face for just moment as a new idea popped into his head. He walked up to the little boy and crouched down in front of him, doing his best Stanford impression.

"Ah, yes. I remember this day."

The boy gave him a confused look,

"Huh?"

"Oh yes, right. I'm you from the future. I've come to warn you, do not ever, _ever_ eat a hotdog, no matter what. Do you understand? The fate of the future depends on it."

Bill stood, leaving to boy very confused. He chuckled to himself as he walked away and into the kitchen. He grabbed a Sharpie and twirled it around in his nimble fingers for a moment before opening the refrigerator and grabbing the carton of eggs. He took out the first egg and began drawing terribly graphic and realistic bleeding, screaming faces of pure horror on each egg. Upon finishing the last one, he closed the carton and placed them back inside the fridge for some poor innocent Pines to find. He chuckled to himself and walked into the break room, summoning a huge vat of glue and about six rolls of duct tape.

He floated up to the ceiling and ordered the glue to flow out of the vat and spread itself all over his back. He then ordered the duct tape to secure him there and finally, after using every strip of tape he had, he successfully fixed himself to the ceiling. Just in time, Mable and Pacifica came in and set their bags of food on the small table.

"Hi Bill."

Mable said simply, and the blonde harrumphed just before he fell on his face to the ground. He brushed himself off quickly enough.

"Shooting Star, can I barrow your hairdryer?"

Mable nodded.

"Of course."

The girls continued eating.

Mable waved him over to join them and he obliged. Mable was chowing down on some wonderfully fragrant garlic parmesan wings while Paz had a tofu burger.

"Are you vegetarian or something?" he asked.

Paz nodded, mouth full.

"So are you opposed to eating animal crackers?"

Mable choked and then started laughing, Paz soon joining her. Bill didn't see what was so funny, it was a legitimate question. He rolled his eyes and walked away to grab the hairdryer before looking for Dipper.

He found the boy by the counter.

"Hey, Pine Tree? Can I barrow your car?"

Dipper looked at him as if debating which was worse, Bill driving around with license that hadn't been renewed since licenses were invented, or Bill continuing to terrorize him. The brunet quickly fished his keys out of his pocket and tossed them to the demon.

"Knock yourself out." He said, meaning it both ways.

Bill grinned at him in return and hopped into his boyfriend's white crown vic. He started the old car and pulled out, driving to the nearest Burger King. He parked and walked inside. He stared at the menu as he waited for his turn in line.

"Hello! Welcome to Burger King! Would you like to try our whopper two-for-ten meal deal?"

Bill thought for a moment.

"Um… what does the Burger Queen recommend?"

"Uh… I'm sorry?"

"May I see the Burger Queen?"

"Um, uh, let me get my manager for you, sir."

"I don't want to see your manager; I want to see the Queen."

"I'm sorry sir, there is no queen. But if there was I'm sure she would like enjoy the whopper meal I told you about-"

Bill cut off the nervous employee with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"No need. I came to see the Queen who seems to be lacking in existence." He declared and walked back to the car. He drove a stretch of road before pulling over on a busy highway and donning Dipper's shades that the brunet always kept in the glove box. He got out Mable's hairdryer and pointed it at the window. He watched as the cars slowed down significantly. He chuckled and continued to mess with other drivers for half an hour before finally getting bored of it and drove off to the nearest McDonalds. He pulled in next to the speaker.

"Hello, welcome to McDonalds, would you like to try our new-"

"No thanks." Bill cut them off.

"I'd like a happy meal with some extra happy."

Silence.

"Um… okay sir. What's the drink?"

"Mountain Dew." Dipper had told him never to get that beverage, telling him it was meant as an energy drink and he really didn't want to see the demon on caffeine.

"Yes sir. Will that be all?"

"Yes."

"Alright, your total is-"

"Irrelevant." He stated, cutting them off again,

"I'm paying by card, I don't care.

"Um, okay. Pull up to the first window to pay."

Bill did as he was instructed and paid the poor ginger employee with an acne-ridden face that greeted him half-heartedly at the window.

The blond pulled up to the second window and was handed his drink by a petite Hispanic girl with round white glasses complemented by short bright blue hair and about twelve facial piercings. She then handed the blond his smiling red box and winked at him before he drove off. He shuddered. Why did women insist on hitting on him? Wasn't his being gay obvious? He devoured the contents of the box (including the toy, which the demon thought was a bit over-cooked) in less than two minutes. He drove back to the shack and ran inside.

"Dipper! Are you done yet?"

The brunet shook his head.

"No, I will be in an hour, though."

Bill grumbled and headed to Mable's room.

He heard Pacifica through the closed door.

"Ugh, that's it Mable, almost there-ugh"

Bill grinned, knowing exactly what they were doing. He knocked anyway, for two reasons; one, just for kicks (he's a demon, what did they expect), and two, because he needed something.

He heard the creaking of her bed stop suddenly.

"Um, who's there?"

Bill snickered; he could hear the arousal in her voice.

"It's Bill." He said innocently.

"Oh, um, is there something you need?"

"Yeah, do you know where the water balloons are? Dipper hid them from me after that one prank."

"I don't even want to know. Their on top of the fridge in the holiday shortbread cookie box."

"Okay thanks, Shooting Star. Hi Llama! You guys having fun in there?"

He heard Pacifica growl.

"We were." The blonde inside Mable's room mumbled.

"Bill! Go away! Now!" Mable yelled.

"Alright! Okay! Jesus Christ, Shooting Star I'm just playing."

"Well stop it and leave us alone or next time you and Dipper want to have some fun I'll do this to you. Campeche?"

"You know I don't care, I'll do what I want with him regardless of whether you can hear us or not. In fact, I'll make him scream louder next time, just for you."

"Bill. If you don't leave this instant..."

"Okay, I'm leaving!" he said, walking off.

He heard the bed resume its steady squeaking and he chuckled to himself. He found the water balloons and filled up every single one with car soap and water. He placed them in a giant bucket and used his magic to make it float behind him as he headed back out to the car.

"What the hell are you up to?" Dipper asked him, eyeing the floating bucket as Bill passed the counter.

"Washing the car." The demon said simply, offering no further explanation before stepping out on to the porch and setting down the bucket. He picked up the first water balloon and chunked it at the car, hitting the windshield and getting splattered by suds.

"One down; two hundred and twenty four left." He mumbled to himself and grabbed the next balloon.

About one hundred and fifty balloons in, Dipper came out.

"This seems like an in-efficient way to wash the car." The brunet commented, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed loosely against his chest. Bill smiled and turned around quickly, chucking a balloon at the boy. Dipper wiped the suds from his face with his arm.

"Oh it is _on_ , you little Dorito." He declared with a playful growl before running down the stairs and grabbing the hose. Pressing his thumb over half of the opening, he turned the water on and Bill got a mouthful of water as he tried to retort. The blonde grinned impishly before using his magic to make five balloons float and attack the brunet.

"Challenge accepted, Pine Tree."

Dipper went to squirt him again but Bill summoned a few water balloons to shield him from the offending stream of water, then chucking them at the boy. The soaked brunet swept his sopping hair out of his eyes to smirk at Bill.

"That all you got, you equilateral idiot?"

The demon summoned all of the balloons at once and his eyes blazed a fiery blue as his malevolent grin dominated his shadowed face.

"Oh, I'm _so_ glad you asked."

Dipper had just enough time to let out a short screech before the blond sent the muti-colored cloud of liquid doom crashing mercilessly down upon him, knocking him to the ground.

The brunet sat up coughing up suds and laughing. Bill plopped down next to him, cackling madly.

"Oh my gods, you should have seen your _face_ \- BAHAHA- and then when the balloons came down you just- AHAHAHAH-"

Once Dipper stopped coughing and calmed down his own chortle he did his best to glare at Bill.

"Shut up, you damned corn chip."

Bill stood and offered the brunet his hand.

"Care to join me in the shower?"

Dipper smiled and took the outstretched arm.

"Of course. But first, let's finish my car, okay?"

Bill snapped his fingers and the car was suddenly sparkling white, dried and waxed. Dipper swore he could smell lemon on it.

\\(-u-)/ (here's that smut I promised, enjoy ya little hellions, jk I love you all)

Bill snapped his fingers once more and they teleported to the bathroom. The blond pulled his silly human to him by the front of the brunet's shirt. Bill looked at him with hooded eyes before claiming the boy's lips and pushing his knee to the other's crotch. Dipper closed his eyes and hummed into the kiss, crossing his wrists behind the blonde's neck. Bill pressed the brunet against the closed and locked door, licking at the boy's bottom lip. Dipper opened his mouth and let Bill's tongue wrap around his own before vigorously exploring the rest of the brunet's mouth.

They broke away for breath and Dipper's eyes met with Bill's, his pupils dilated to the point where he couldn't even see the other's beautiful golden irises. Bill reached in between them and removed the boy's shirt, trailing his hand lightly down the brunet's chest before stopping to catch one of the boy's buds between his fingers. Dipper's breath caught, oh how he loved it when Bill did that. Bill grinned at him before leaning down to catch the other nipple in his jagged teeth. Dipper felt his blush go down his entire front and he let out a soft moan. Bill began rolling the sensitive buds around before sucking on the one in his month.

While sucking on one, he pinched at the other, teasing until the boy was reduced to a moaning mess against the door. The blonde let the bud go with a wet pop and blew on it before trailing his tongue down the boy's quivering stomach, nibbling and sucking little marks into his sensitive places. He pulled down the brunet's soaked pants and briefs before being stopped by the boy's shoes. He trailed chaste kisses down the shaking boy's leg. He slowly removed Dipper's sneakers; lifting the boy's feet, one at a time and placing a small kiss on the top of each foot after successfully removing each shoe.

He finished removing the boy's pants and then stepped back to undress himself, causing the boy to whimper. Each second Bill took removing his clothing, Dipper got harder. And of course, the damned demon noticed and with a smirk he took his good, sweet time slipping off his own shoes and shedding his socks. He unbuttoned his sopping shirt and slid it off his shoulders and onto the floor; he reached down and unzipped his bulging pants, hissing with relief as he slid them and his boxers off. Dipper wined again, and the blond pressed himself against the boy once more before taking both of his hands in his own and leading the brunet into the shower with him.

Bill turned on the water, letting the warm liquid trail down his back for just a moment before pressing Dipper against the shower wall and kneeling down. The brunet's breath hitched as the blonde took his erect member in hand, flicking his long tongue over the slit before engulfing it with velvet warmth. Dipper let out a quiet moan as Bill traced his nibble muscle up his shaft teasingly before the demon began pumping his head around the boy's cock, hands massaging what couldn't fit down the blonde's throat despite his best efforts. He could already taste the brunet's delicious precum. Dipper tangled his hands down into the Bill's golden locks, tightening his grip as he got closer to the edge.

"Bill- I-I'm gonna-"

The blonde let the swollen member drop out of his wonderful mouth, causing the brunet to whimper at the loss.

"You can come when I take you." The demon said, rising and nibbling at the boy's ear.

He flipped the brunet and tapped his legs, making them spread. The blonde then poured a generous amount of lube on his long, slender fingers before pressing the tip of his index finger against the boy's entrance, rubbing at the puckered flesh before penetrating. Dipper gasped.

"Oh-o, ah, Bill,"

Bill peppered light kisses down Dipper's spine, halting at each vertebra to suck and nibble on before moving to the next bump, slowly pumping his finger in and out of the brunet all the while.

"Here's the second, Pine Tree." The demon mumbled against the nape of the boy's neck as he added said finger.

With his other hand the blonde reached around and took Dipper's cock in hand, skillfully pumping it in time with his thrusts. The boy let out a low moan.

"B-Bill, I need y-you."

Bill smiled devilishly (so to speak), and the brunet felt soft lips brush against his ear.

"Sh-sh-sh, you're almost ready." The blonde whispered, slipping in the final finger.

Dipper whimpered and the demon chuckled lightly at the wanton in the boy's voice. Bill trust in his fingers a bit quicker, brushing against the brunet's bundle of nerves with every other thrust.

"Ah-Bill- I-I'm about to-"

Suddenly, the demon grabbed the brunet's cock at the base, freezing the boy's erection in its tracks, and withdrew his skillful fingers. Dipper let out a broken moan.

"Bill-" he whimpered.

The blonde ignored him as he quickly slicked his own member before pushing in, sinking his sharp teeth into the boy's shoulder. When he finally bottomed out, both Bill and the brunet released breaths that they weren't even aware they had been holding. Bill only gave Dipper a moment to adjust before pulling almost all the way out and plunging right back in harshly, causing the boy cry out. The blonde continued fucking the brunet in a rapid, mind-blowing pace, biting up Dipper's flushed neck, and making the most wonderful and erotic of sounds flowing hoarsely from the boy's throat. His name, mixed in with curses and pleading flowed latently from the brunet's abused lips.

Just as Bill found Dipper's prostate, he released the boy's rock hard prick in favor of pinching at the boy's sensitive buds. The demon focused all his attention on pummeling into the brunet's sweet spot to draw more delicious sounds from Dipper. The boy began shaking from over-stimulation as he continued crying out in pure ecstasy.

"You almost there?" Bill asked in a husky whisper.

All the brunet could do was nod in answer before one of the blonde's hands reached down and gripped Dipper's purpling member.

"Good." The demon said, and began pumping the boy in time with his punishing pace.

That's all it took to send the brunet over the edge. He came with a scream, seeing white and covering the shower wall in semen. As Dipper tightened, Bill came also, filling Dipper to the brim with his seed. As they came down from their high, Bill pulled out and hugged the brunet from behind. Dipper craned his neck to look at the blonde with a tired smile.

"That was really good."

Bill released the boy before flipping him and pressing a gentle kiss to the lips that had helped form his name.

"It was."

He continued holding the brunet in his arms under the warm stream of water, letting it wash them of their sweat and semen. They quickly washed, deciding that they had already spent too much time in the shower. After they rinsed, Bill turned off the water and teleported them to Dipper's room in the attic.

"Are we still up for the mall?" the demon asked.

Dipper nodded.

"I guess, if you're still up for it."

Bill stretched leisurely.

"Of course I am. But I do think we should get some coffee for _you_ when we get there."

The brunet laughed a little.

"Yeah, okay. But you're buying, deal?"

Bill tackled him and pressed a sweet little kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Deal."

After they finish dressing, they clambered down the stairs and out the door. Bill looked at him, a shit-eating grin overtaking his face.

"I'm driving! Race you to the car!" He declared before sprinting across the driveway, Dipper following closely in suit.

Bill ducked into the old crown vic just as Dipper got to it. The brunet jumped into the passenger seat as Bill started the vehicle.

"Seatbelt, Pine Tree. As much as I love agony and death I'd rather you not experience either as long as I can help it."

Dipper rolled his eyes, but obliged. He wasn't to terribly concerned about getting injured, knowing that if they ever did get in a wreck, the car was like a tank so they wouldn't get hurt regardless of whether they wore their seatbelts or not. Bill smiled at him before taking Dipper's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together as he pulled out. The drive to the mall was fairly short but they still chatted about this and that along the way. Bill parked and got out; motioning for the brunet to stay put for a moment as he came around and opened the door for him, offering the boy a hand. Dipper smiled and took it.

As they entered the building, Dipper nestled his hand in the crook of the blonde's arm. The taller looked at him curiously before shrugging and excepting the small gesture of affection, stuffing his own hands into his hoodie pockets. They walked around for a bit before finding the mall's Starbucks and joining the rather lengthy line. Once they finally got to the counter, Dipper ordered a venté smore's laté and Bill paid. They sat at a high table for two on tall stools as they waited for their order.

"Cipher!"

They stood and retrieved the large beverage that read "cutest couple." Bill turned and waved at the woman that had taken their order with a smile before they walked out. They decided upon visiting the little pet shop which was located on the second floor so they headed for the stair-case (as it was a rather small mall but decent considering the town's size.) Bill stepped onto the first step and stood there.

"What's wrong with this escalator!?" he said loudly enough for other people to look.

"Bill, those are stairs like at the Shack; not an escalator." Dipper informed him gently.

"Oh… I knew that!"

The demon then continued to climb the stairs, Dipper rolling his eyes before following closely behind. Once they made it to the pet shop the boy immediately melted over the kittens in the window.

"Aww! Bill! Look at these kittens! They are _so_ precious!" the brunet cooed, pointing at one particularly tiny kitten that was solid black with one lime-green eye and one yellow eye before pulling Bill inside.

Bill went up to the counter while the brunet was detracted by the ferrates.

"Excuse me, but can we hold that kitten in the window there?"

The employee nodded with a smile and gestured for the blonde to follow him. He unlocked the door and pulled the kitten out receiving a small mewl of protest. He carefully handed the small animal to Bill who thanked him and walked over to Dipper who was still playing with the ferrates.

"Pine Tree, look." Bill said, holding up the kitten.

Dipper looked and he squealed before carefully snatching up the kitten out of Bill's arms. Bill chuckled as he watched the brunet play with the small animal. He turned back to the employee.

"We'll take her. How much?"

"Yes sir! That's three-fifty!" the young man said with a grin.

Bill got out his wallet and handed the man a one-thousand dollar bill.

"You can keep the change if you'll deliver her to my place whenever you get off."

The man nodded, his smile growing a bit larger.

"It's a surprise for him then?" he asked.

Bill nodded, handing the man the Mystery Shack's address and his phone number.

"Yep! He's going to be _so_ happy, too!" he said, turning to watch the boy hold the kitten closely to his chest.

"Okay, I don't usually tell couples this, but seriously, you two are the cutest couple I've _ever_ seen. You guys seem to be perfect for each other." The man commented, holding the money up to the light.

"Do you want to purchase some cat-food, a litter-box, bowls, a collar, anything? I can deliver them later when I bring the cat."

Bill blinked.

"Um, yes? All of those things? Thank you."

The man nodded and punched it all in the cash register.

"Oh and here's a little manual that'll tell you how to take care of your new cat." The man said, handing Bill a small pamphlet.

Bill thanked the man once more before returning to Dipper's side. The boy looked up at him, clearly giving the demon his best doe-eyes.

"Bill? Honey? Baby? Love of my life? Do you think we could, maybe keep this little kitten?"

Bill kept his face straight by some force beyond even him.

"No, Pine Tree. Come on, let's go."

Dipper's face fell as he stood and handed the kitten back to the employee, giving it one last rub before walking out.

As they walked back to the car, Bill could tell how crest-fallen the boy was.

"Pine Tree, I'm sorry we couldn't get the kitten, but I'm sure you understand why."

Dipper nodded, forcing a small smile.

"I guess, I don't know. This was a great date, Bill. Thank you." He said, taking Bill's hand.

Bill smiled and opened the car door for the brunet. The drive on the way home was much quieter than earlier, but somehow, Bill managed to keep from spoiling the surprise. When they got home Bill made some pop-corn and started Dipper's favorite movie. They watched a few movies, cuddled up close to each other, Mable and Pacifica joining eventually, when the doorbell rang. Bill jumped up and bolted for the door. He opened it and found the man standing there, with a grin and the kitten with a fluffy turquoise bow on its neck.

"Pine Tree! It's for you!"

He heard Dipper grumble something as he came up to the door. He spotted the kitten and shrieked in delight as the man handed her to him.

"Oh my god! Bill! Oh my god!" he screamed, bouncing up and down on the ground, clutching the kitten to his chest like he did earlier, before yanking Bill into a quick kiss after which turning his attention to the kitten. Mable and Pacifica ran into the front room, both reacting much like Dipper had (with exception of the kiss, of course) before kneeling down next to the boy and cooing over the small animal. Bill turned back to the man and they went out to his car to grab the rest of the stuff.

"I can't thank you enough for doing this for me." He said, bags in hand, as they closed the trunk.

"I don't mind at all, I love seeing people excited and happy so this was my pleasure. Plus, you paid me; how could I say no?" the man responded with a chuckle, getting back into his car and driving away. Bill sent the stuff to his and Dipper's room before walking back inside. They continued watching their movie, the kitten falling asleep in Dipper's arms whom of which had fallen asleep in Bill's lap. Bill smiled fondly at his little Pine Tree and their new little Mystery.

 **A/N:** Okay so that was way longer than I intended but I think it turned out alright. It was supposed to just be a funny story but it blurred to sexy then eventually melting into absolute adorableness… forgive me if the smut was terrible, this is the first time I've actually finished a fic, _and_ the first time I've written smut (although I have read more than my share of the filth ;) ) Comment below! I take requests! Check out my Tumblr (Just A Sketch 14! I also take art requests) Love you peeps! 3 3 3


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